To Be Successful — I Mean *Really* Successful

Well folks, you would be proud of me: I did an asshole thing this weekend.

The details aren’t important — it wasn’t a big thing. I doubt anyone actually noticed it. But when I did it, or rather when I said what I said to my unsuspecting victim, I thought to myself, “Wow, what as asshole thing to say,” and I could feel myself skyrocketing straight to the top.

On a completely unrelated note, if you were going to send someone flowers — umm, you know, for no particular reason at all — would you send roses or tulips? I think I’d send tulips. Or maybe lillies. People like lillies, don’t they?


To Age With Grace

That I will live an honorable life;
that I will be loved;
that I will be free;
that I will never be an asshole;
that I will crawl out of my own head
and give myself utterly;
that I will suffer enough to be able to appreciate the good things,
the noble things,
the things that money cannot buy,
and time cannot change,
like having breakfast with my family
on a lazy Wednesday afternoon.
That I will someday be the beauty, right, reason, and truth;
and that I will always see the world
through Your eyes.

In Your name I pray. Amen.